Viewpoint: Helping parents raise their children

Dad took this family picture

On Wednesday, 14 April, my siblings and I will celebrate the life of one of the most influential persons in our lives - our mother, Ruby Ramdeen, nee Manning. When God created her on 14 April 1929, He gave her an extraordinarily huge heart. Although she died in London more than 26 years ago, there is not a day that goes by without memories of her flooding into our minds.

The role of parenting has a divine origin. Pope Francis says parents are "co-creators with and of God's love". In 2019, as Cruz magazine reported, he heaped praise on all mothers, saying their love is the foundation of humanity and the cure for a world often divided and filled with bitterness.

He said:" 'A world that looks to the future without a mother's gaze is shortsighted... A world in which maternal tenderness is dismissed as mere sentiment may be rich materially, but poor where the future is concerned.' He praised mothers for the 'heroism' they show 'in self-giving, strength in compassion, wisdom in meekness,' saying they are people who know how to take their children by the hand and 'lovingly introduce them to life.' "

My mother was the epitome of compassion. I recall the time she discovered a burglar in the house in Shorelands, Trinidad. When my father started to dial for the police, the man broke down and wept, saying he was hungry. She told my father to put down the phone. She offered the burglar food which he ate ravenously and left. Weeks later in Port of Spain, while in traffic, the same man came up to the passenger window and called out to her: "Hello friend!" Pa was not amused!!!

Ma and Pa put God at the centre of our family life. They identified Christian and Hindu core values and nurtured these in their 7 children. One of Ma's favourite saying was: "Cow horn never too heavy for her head." She was never tired of meeting the varied needs of her children, even after we had left home. And her grandchildren just loved her.

Mother's Day in Trinidad and Tobago falls on Sunday May 9. I am writing this article in advance so that we can all start planning for this day. Do something special for your mother; build right relationship with her. And since we do not journey through life alone, I urge you to reach out to those mothers in your communities who are struggling with their parenting responsibilities.

I was saddened to read the report in the TT Express on April 3 that "An eyebrow-raising number of women, mainly mothers, are the perpetrators of offences committed against children. Statistics provided by the Children's Authority of Trinidad and Tobago show that between the period May 18, 2015, and February 28, 2021, a total of 27,437 cases were reported to the organisation. Of this number, 35.4 per cent of the perpetrators against children were their mothers. This is an estimated 9,713 cases reported over the period."

While I condemn all forms of child abuse - neglect, mistreatment, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, given the nature of our society, it is important to put these numbers in context. How many of these women are single mothers? What analysis has been conducted to determine the underlying causes of mothers committing offences against their children? What support/safety nets exist for parents and children? While we do not wish to promote a dependency syndrome, Government, religious organisations, NGOs etc. can and must do more to step in the gap to support parent(s) who are experiencing difficulties in raising their children. What are the variables that can adversely impact on the parenting process, e.g., poverty and social exclusion?

In the article: "Supporting the Mental Health of Mothers Raising Children in Poverty" by Beeber, Perreira, and Schwartza, we read: "Poverty increases maternal stress by heightening exposure to negative life events, job loss, chronic strains, poor housing, dangerous neighbourhoods, and conflict with partners, culminating in crippling depressive symptoms, the most prevalent mental health threat. Depressive symptoms interfere with the provision of the strong maternal support needed to counter the hardships of poverty, thus placing infants and toddlers at risk for delayed language, social, and emotional development...interventions will be strengthened if mothers who have mental health risks can be accurately targeted for inclusion."

The Single Fathers Association of TT is playing its part. There are homes in which both parents are present and are struggling to raise their children. Let's address the urgent need for training/intervention/support systems.

Pope Francis has focused on family life throughout his Papacy. I end with his words in Amoris Laetitia, The Joy of Love: "No one can think that the weakening of the family...will prove beneficial to society as a whole."

Leela Ramdeen is Chair, Trinidad & Tobago Catholic Commission for Social Justice & the Archdiocese's Ministry for Migrants and Refugees.

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