New research shows money is biggest strain in marriage

New research by leading relationships charities Relate, Relationships Scotland and Marriage Care has revealed the top relationship strains experienced by couples in the UK today. Money worries came top of the list - over a quarter of UK adults (26%) say this is a placing a strain on their relationships - followed by not understanding each other (20%), low libido/ differing sex drives (19%), lack of work life balance (17%) and different interests (16%).

Relate counsellor Arabella Russell said: "This report highlights that, despite the promise of economic recovery, money worries are still placing a significant strain on our relationships. We see in the counselling room every day how much conflict money can cause in relationships, so knowing how to manage your finances together is important for heading off arguments before they begin.

"The key is to be completely open and honest with each other about your values, feelings and spending habits. Make sure you're both clear on how you plan to share finances, pay bills and manage your spending."

Marriage Care Counsellor and Director of Client Services Jenny Porter added: "Usually when couples argue over money, it is because both individuals have very different spending habits. For example, one person may be more risk-averse and want to put more money away for retirement, while the other person may be more focused on spending for today. Although many couples find it awkward to talk about finances, it is essential to talk things through together to ensure both partners are on the same wavelength and to prevent problems from escalating.

"It is unsurprising financial worries are the top relationship strain experienced by couples as money affects many aspects of our lives. As in any dispute - whatever the subject - trust, compromise, flexibility and good communication are key to resolution. If couples are finding it hard to reach a positive solution together, help from an experienced relationship counsellor can and does make a difference."

The findings are revealed in a new report out today called It takes two: the quality of the UK's adult couple relationships, based on a survey of more than 5,000 people. Below are more findings from the report.

What people look for in a partner

The report also sheds light on what people look for in a partner. Top of the list and out in front by some distance was trust (67%), followed by communication (52%), commitment (37%), shared values (34%) and personality (28%). Women were more likely to identify trust (70%) and communication (57%) as important factors than men (of whom 62% and 48% respectively selected these).

Rows and regrets

Respondents to the survey were also asked questions about the quality of their couple relationship. It turns out that 16% of partners think about getting divorced/separated or ending their relationship at least occasionally.

Whilst the charities say that arguing constructively can actually be good for your relationship, arguing most of the time can be an indication that there are issues. In this survey, six per cent of people said they argue with their partner all or most of the time, and 42% argue occasionally. The research also confirmed that the longer you have been together, the more likely you are to argue. Just 34% of partners who have been together less than five years said that they argue at least occasionally, compared to 55% of those who have been together over 35 years.

Quality time together in short supply

When asked, 93% of relationship support practitioners (like counsellors and sex therapists) said that spending dedicated time together, such as a date night or taking part in an activity, is important for the relationship. The study also found that dedicated time spent together was associated with better relationship quality. The good news is that almost a third (30%) of partners manage to spend quality time together more than once a week, and 15% do so once a week. However, 11% of partners said they never do this and a further five per cent do this once a year or less.

Stigma and lack of knowledge about relationship support

Despite the clear pressures on couple relationships, four in 10 people surveyed said they wouldn't know where to turn for support. Whilst 66% of people agreed that 'everyone could benefit from support with their relationships', only 22% said they would get support if their own relationship was 'under strain'. It is also telling
that more than half (54%) of respondents said that 'If I accessed professional relationship support (e.g. seeing a counsellor), I would not want anyone to know
about it'.

Relate and Marriage Care provide services, which can help couples to overcome relationship pressures and improve the way they communicate.

Marriage Care is a faith-based national charity which helps couples and individuals build and sustain strong, fulfilling healthy relationships through relationship education initiatives, marriage preparation services and relationship counselling to all, regardless of ability to pay. It has more than 50 centres and just under 100 counselling locations and is the second largest relationship support provider in England and Wales.

For more information about Marriage Care please contact: 020 7371 1341 or www.marriagecare.org.uk.