Viewpoint: Parishioner from Shrewsbury Diocese on gay marriage, charity & prejudice

The Dwarf Don Sebastián de Morra, by Velázquez.

When I started Infants School in the 1950s the teaching staff tried to force me to be right-handed against my own natural inclination. Fortunately my father, a Primary School Headteacher, was an enlightened educationalist and insisted I be allowed to be left-handed. Back in the 1930s my mother had been bullied into writing with her right hand as this was the only option permitted in those days. By the 1980s such prejudices had been long forgotten and by the time they started their schooling three of my five children were free to be naturally left-handed and accepted as such with no stigma. The Latin word for ‘left’ is ’sinister’ – with the unfortunate alternative meaning of something unnatural, to be feared. It is as wrong to chastise me for being left-handed and red-haired as it is to praise my husband for being right-handed and dark. These are simply some of the many characteristics that make us who we are. In the same way gay people are not ill or deviant: it is wrong and cruel to view them in his way. They are just like us, ordinary people, but they happen to fall in love with someone of the same sex.

We fear what we do not understand, what we do not know, what is outside our comfort zone, outside our familiar point of reference. When I was a small child I encountered a person with dwarfism for the first time and was frightened at seeing this tiny person who was clearly an adult yet the size of a little child. When my parents explained why he was different I was able to understand that I need not be alarmed.

Centuries ago people thought the earth was flat and were fearful of going too close to the edge in case they fell off. Nowadays everyone accepts that the earth is round. We can laugh at the superstitious folly of our ancestors but we can also be glad that times have moved on and opinions and knowledge with them. So it is sad that the Catholic Church cannot and will not move on from its negative view of gay people and the fear that these people ‘attack’ the very fabric of our society. Or rather, that the idea of allowing them to marry, should they wish to form a commitment to one another that has as deep a validity and meaning as a marriage between two people of the opposite sex, is somehow abhorrent. Of course, human nature being as it is we find it difficult to admit we may have made a mistake or misjudged a situation. And so the Church cannot or will not change its long-held prejudice and fear but continues to condemn these ordinary people because they are different to the ‘approved’ norm.

On Sunday (28 July 2013) we had a Bishop’s Letter concerning the Gay Marriage Bill that was hard-hitting and lacking in love and compassion. It held firm to the Church’s official teaching that marriage should be between a man and a woman for the procreation of children. I wonder how any couples present who are unable to have children, either for medical reasons or because they married late, must have felt - second rate and undervalued, I guess. And what about those couples who faithfully follow the Church’s teaching and are overburdened with a large family they can ill afford, both financially and emotionally? What about the couples whose sexual life comes under immense strain because of the ever-present fear of another pregnancy? I have known gay couples who are fantastic parents and heterosexual ones who fail dismally. Surely the way parents love and care for their children is what really matters and to permit and, better still, embrace diversity shows a warmth and maturity that acknowledges that everyone has a place in the body of Christ.

The Bishop’s Letter also stressed the perceived loss of Christian values in the UK. This seems a very narrow view. What about the many good people living in this country of other faiths or none? Is it not time for the Church to welcome and value people of all faiths and recognise that we now live in a multi-racial, multi-cultural, multi-faith country and that we are the richer for the diversity this brings. After all, the Irish immigrants who have long been the mainstay of our Church were outsiders once themselves and, sadly, vilified too.

I listened to the Bishop’s Letter in anger and dismay. Then I got up and walked out. I do not know when or if I will return. I do not understand why the Church only speaks out on issues of sexuality (although rarely on clergy sexual abuse) when there are so many other matters that cry out for attention: poverty, homelessness, racial justice, abuse of human rights, violence against women, the arms trade, war, climate change, environmental issues, the list is endless. Why are there no Bishops’ Letters on these topics?

The God I know is a God of love, warmth and compassion with a special concern for the poor and the marginalised. My God is not a God of condemnation, bigotry and intolerance. We are all on a journey in search of God and that journey can take a lifetime. We are all in need of good and wise guides to lead us on the right path. I see little love in the Church's response to the desire of gay people to share in the joys of married life.

When I left the church that evening and walked away the heavens opened and I was drenched. My four-year old grand-daughter says that the rain is God crying. Well, God must have been howling that day. Perhaps the storm was indicative, not just of my mood, but of the need for a massive sea-change in the Church’s attitude.

Carla Ryan (Mrs)

Shrewsbury

See also: ICN 31 July 2013 Shrewsbury: Bishop's Pastoral Letter on Same-Sex Marriage www.indcatholicnews.com/news.php?viewStory=23042

ICN 1 August 2013 response to Viewpoint piece on same-sex marriage

www.indcatholicnews.com/news.php?viewStory=23056

ICN 1 August - Response to Bishop Davies' Pastoral Letter www.indcatholicnews.com/news.php?viewStory=23059