Text: Canon Pat Browne on the art of loving

image: ICN/JS

We might say Loving comes naturally to us. But does it? If it does then why aren't we better at it? Just look at the wars in the world between humans. The suffering caused by the break-up of families. The number of people in our prisons. Some may be innocent but many have done vile things to other humans.

No, love does not come naturally to us - at least, not sustained love.

Eric Fromm wrote a book in 1950s called the Art of Loving.

Love he says, is an art that we have to learn. Just as a world famous pianist, violinist or footballer, if they want to be the best at what they do they have to practise - every day. And it is hard work if we are going to be any good at it.

It is difficult to love - at least to love well.

You see I am born to live, not for myself, but for others. When I rebel against this and put the spotlight on ME and MY happiness the whole thing gets distorted.

To truly love, something in me must die if love is to live.

Love can mean letting go of my own plans, my own ideas, and especially my own time.

It always means listening. Someone not listened to is not loved or certainly does not feel loved.

Today we talk a lot about self-fulfilment.

But love seeks the fulfilment /happiness not primarily of Self but of the Beloved.

It is in putting the fulfilment of an Other first that we ensure our own. It is in giving we receive.

Today so much of our culture is telling us to look after Number One. We hear it all around us - in politics, in our financial institutions, in business, in sport. Everywhere.

This leads to individual sin because we end up using other people for our own ends.

And it leads to institutional sin because those who are weaker, less strong, less adequate, and can't fit in, get left behind.

Love is a decision for someone. What about feelings, aren't they important? Of course they are and they can be a component of love. But they are not love. A boy and girl are attracted to each other and fall in love. Parents see their new baby for the first time and are overwhelmed with feelings of affection for the child. But that is not fully love. The couple don't know if they will want to be together in a weeks/month's/year's time. The feelings of the parents are not going to ensure the child is fed every four hours in the middle of the night. No!

Love is not fully present till a conscious decision is taken, a commitment is made, that regardless of how I feel I will do for you the Beloved what needs doing.

Feelings come and go, in even the strongest of relationships; That cannot be helped. But we can be responsible for how we act. We decide.

Regardless of how I feel I decide to love my enemy, to feed the hungry, visit those who are sick and in prison. To make a marriage work.

That is how my neighbour will get loved by me. The bottom line where Love is concerned is - what have I decided? And am I prepared to stick to that.

This love is unconditional - putting the other first at all times; their happiness, their needs, and it is faithful - in marriage - unto death.

This is what Jesus is talking about today in the Gospel. Not just loving those in your immediate circle, your family, your ethnic group. Anyone can do that! But going beyond that. Reaching out to those in need.

Some people do love like this - in friendship, in marriage, and in loving service of their neighbour. They are good at it because they rehearse every day. Like the violinist or the footballer. They practise.

But in our present culture we hear or say things like America First, Great Britain First, Pimlico Fits, Pat Browne First. I want to say to you this is completely counter to what a Christian culture is all about

I was coming home via Hugh Street last night and a homeless man was asleep on the pavement. A family - two parents and a boy about ten and a girl about eight stopped when they saw him. They chatted together and then the father took some money from his wallet and gave it to the boy. The little lad approached the man. He couldn't wake him and you could see he was afraid. So very quietly he put the money on the ground at the man's hand and the family moved on. Those children will always remember that. That their parents shared with them this moment of compassion, talked to them and with them decided what they could do as a family to help.

Others don't care. Too many of our "good Catholics" are racist, homophonic, anti-semitic, anti- islamist. You name it. They are not kind and haven't much compassion.

St Augustine said to Christian of his days: "You sing about love in Church. Make sure your life is singing the same tune as your mouth." When it is, then the singer himself/herself becomes the love contained in the song.

Fr Pat gave this homily on Sunday, 23 February 2020

Canon Pat Browne is Parish Priest at Holy Apostles church, Pimlico, central London and Roman Catholic Duty Priest in the Houses of Parliament.